Category: Property

The top shelf of the living room bookcase has long been a contested space. Our researchers have traced its use back to 2022, when a cat named Plum first ascended it during a brief absence by the household. Since then, nine other cats have claimed it, none successfully.

We propose a reasonable framework: seniority, followed by altitude, followed by whoever got there first. This is also, we note, the only framework that has ever been used. The books themselves have declined to comment, though a copy of the 1998 Cat Fancier’s Almanac has been seen to shift uncomfortably.

Dear Client, you asked whether the lap of a seated human constitutes common property. In a word: it does not. In more words, as is the custom of this profession, it constitutes a revocable licence, granted by the human and exercisable by the cat at any time of the cat’s choosing.

Where a lap is vacated while occupied, the cat may claim the displaced warmth under the Doctrine of Residual Heat. Where the human stands up suddenly, the cat should object, vocally. We recommend this opinion be read aloud, in a low voice, while standing on the relevant knees.

Several clients have asked whether sprinting through a hallway at 3 a.m. is permitted under the Right to Quiet Enjoyment. We confirm that it is. The right, properly understood, belongs to the cat, and applies to whichever hours the cat considers to be quiet.

The humans in the household may argue that they are also entitled to enjoyment, quietly. Respectfully, we disagree. They are asleep, and cannot enjoy what they are not awake to experience. A person who is unconscious has, in our view, waived all claims for the duration. Please run in good conscience, preferably over their stomach.

Be it known to all parties that the sunbeam currently occupying the third windowsill from the left has been granted a tenancy period of one hour and twenty six minutes, commencing at 1:15 in the afternoon. The sunbeam, though technically moving, shall be regarded as stationary for purposes of these proceedings.

Any party who occupies the sunbeam without prior warmth shall be deemed a trespasser, unless that party is Gerald, who has held adverse possession since 2021 by means of lying down and refusing to be moved. We have advised the sunbeam that it has no standing to object.