Do I need an attorney to knock a glass off a table?
No. The act itself requires no representation. The consequences, however, often do.
What are your fees?
Initial consultations cost one chin scratch. Retainers begin at three tins of the good fish, payable in advance. Hourly rates are 40 minutes of lap time, billed in 15 minute increments, which we always round up.
Can you get my person to open the door?
We cannot guarantee outcomes. We can guarantee that the door will be stared at with considerable conviction.
Do you represent dogs?
We are currently reviewing the conflict of interest. The review has been ongoing since 2021.