Whisker & Co. Law Group

Blog

  • The Cardboard Box Doctrine and Its Limits

    It is settled law that any cat who fits inside a box owns the box. It is less settled whether a cat who does not quite fit, but is sitting in it anyway, retains the same rights. This question reached our office last Tuesday when Ms. Pixie, a Maine Coon, attempted to occupy a shoe box.

    After three hours of deliberation, Senior Partner Mewsley ruled that the doctrine extends to partial occupancy, so long as at least one paw and the dignity of the cat are inside. Ms. Pixie’s tail, which remained outside, was reclassified as a separate entity and is now suing her.

  • Our Revised Fee Schedule, Plainly Explained

    Following the annual review conducted by Managing Partner Hortensia Clawford, the firm’s fee schedule has been updated. All fees remain payable in tuna, kibble, or equivalent consideration.

    • Initial consultation: one chin scratch, left side only.
    • Written opinion letter: 14 salmon treats.
    • Court appearance: one full tin of mackerel, plus travel in a carrier we will object to.
    • Emergency injunction against a vacuum cleaner: 22 minutes of lap time, nonrefundable.

    Clients unable to pay may enter a payment plan, which is also paid in tuna but more slowly. Fees for appearances before the Hallway Bench are doubled, because the Bench is cold and the attorney must be warmed up afterwards.

  • Precedent: Doe v. The Closed Door

    Few cases have shaped modern feline jurisprudence like Doe v. The Closed Door (2023). The plaintiff, a cat identified only as Doe, argued that a door which is closed on one side and open on the other creates an unresolved legal state, known as the Schrodinger Provision.

    • Held: a cat on either side of a door has a vested right to be on the other side.
    • Held: the right is exercised immediately upon being granted.
    • Held: the right expires the moment the door is opened.

    The court noted, in a footnote, that the door had no comment. We cite this case daily.

  • Welcome Our New Associate, Marmaduke Pounce

    Whisker & Co. is pleased to announce that Marmaduke Pounce, a black and white tuxedo cat of impeccable bearing, has joined the Litigation department. Marmaduke graduated top of his class from the University of the Upper Bunk Bed, where he wrote a thesis on the enforceability of promises made at 4 a.m.

    He comes to us after a distinguished clerkship under Judge Mittens, who presided over the Hallway Small Claims Court. Marmaduke will take over the firm’s docket of cases involving sunbeams, and has already been assigned a window, a desk, and an unreasonably small chair he refuses to use.

  • Re: The Falling Glass, a Preliminary Statement of the Facts

    On the evening of 3 July, at approximately 9:42, a glass of water was situated on the edge of a coffee table. Our client, Mr. Pickles, a four year old tabby, approached the glass with what the opposing counsel has described as intent. We describe it as curiosity, followed by a single, deliberate paw.

    It is the position of this firm that the table was positioned too close to the glass. The glass, for its part, made no effort to flee. A reasonable glass would have remained near the centre. We shall be filing a motion to dismiss on grounds of contributory negligence by the glass.

  • Notice of Sunbeam Tenancy: Third Windowsill, Effective Immediately

    Be it known to all parties that the sunbeam currently occupying the third windowsill from the left has been granted a tenancy period of one hour and twenty six minutes, commencing at 1:15 in the afternoon. The sunbeam, though technically moving, shall be regarded as stationary for purposes of these proceedings.

    Any party who occupies the sunbeam without prior warmth shall be deemed a trespasser, unless that party is Gerald, who has held adverse possession since 2021 by means of lying down and refusing to be moved. We have advised the sunbeam that it has no standing to object.