Following the annual review conducted by Managing Partner Hortensia Clawford, the firm’s fee schedule has been updated. All fees remain payable in tuna, kibble, or equivalent consideration.
- Initial consultation: one chin scratch, left side only.
- Written opinion letter: 14 salmon treats.
- Court appearance: one full tin of mackerel, plus travel in a carrier we will object to.
- Emergency injunction against a vacuum cleaner: 22 minutes of lap time, nonrefundable.
Clients unable to pay may enter a payment plan, which is also paid in tuna but more slowly. Fees for appearances before the Hallway Bench are doubled, because the Bench is cold and the attorney must be warmed up afterwards.
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